When you’re grieving, well-meaning friends can be the source of unhelpful comments, said to make you feel better.  
 
You’re advised to take actions that distract you from your feelings or convert your feelings into intellectual ideas. 
 
“Be strong,” and “They wouldn’t want you to be sad,” for example are all true intellectually, but don’t help you deal with your feelings. 
 
Consequently, it can become easier to tell everyone you’re fine rather than sharing the truth. You might even start believing it yourself even though realistically you’re far from fine. 

Seeking a Sense of Belonging 

We all like approval and we all want to feel a sense of belonging, which is learned during early childhood. However, once you start sharing your feelings of grief with others, most are not equipped with the skills to help support you, such as listening without judgement or interruption. 
After hearing intellectual ideas multiple times and realising they’re unhelpful, empty platitudes, you may find you stop sharing your feelings with others, leaving you feeling isolated.  
 
In attempting to “be strong” or “be strong for others,” most people hide their own feelings. In effect, when we act strong that way and cover up our honest emotions, we are lying to those we interact with - not to mention that we may be lying to ourselves. 
 
...you may find you stop sharing your feelings, leaving you feeling isolated 
 
It takes real strength to communicate feelings, not to bury them. 

Time Heals All Wounds ...Right? 

The false idea that time heals emotional wounds is based on a misunderstanding of the normal human reaction to losses of all kinds. As we adapt to the new, and usually painful reality of loss, we begin to be able to function a little better. With that comes the illusion that time has healed us, but all that’s really happened is that we’re adapting to the loss but still have unfinished business. 
 
The Grief Recovery Method is an evidence-based programme that has been proven effective at handling the symptoms of grief for over 40 years. 
The Grief recovery Handbook sets out how you can help yourself following any major life event that invokes grief. Unlike most books on grief which set out stories of other peoples pain, the Grief Recovery Handbook by John W James and Russell Friedman gives easy to follow steps to guide you through. 
 
"I was introduced to Grief Recovery Method Handbook 2 years ago following a life time of loss on all levels. I cant put into words how this changed my life. I have used all types of therapy that work and still do, but this hoovers up the stuff that came out of other therapies, I never knew the pain could go." - Caroline 
 
You can order your copy of the Grief Recovery Handbook here. Alternatively, if you feel you want additional support, you can contact one of our Grief Recovery Specialists here
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