Forgiveness and Setting Yourself Free From Regret
Posted on 28th September 2021 at 17:09
Have you lost a loved one to COVID-19?
While all grief is felt at 100% and you can’t compare losses, COVID bereavement has had extra layers of grief to unpick.
You might regret that you weren’t able to say everything you wanted to, or you weren’t able to say goodbye. It could be that you stayed away from vulnerable or older members of your family only to lose them anyway. You might have been robbed of your loved one’s last year if they died in a care home. You might feel guilty for spreading COVID to your family.
You may be wondering if you can ever be set free from the painful nagging regrets of wishing things had turned out differently, or for blaming yourself for things you can not change.
Forgiveness is key to your recovery - and will help you come to terms with giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday.
What you are feeling is normal and natural, and is brought about by grief, the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behaviour, such as an end to a relationship.
You may be feeling that an end to a relationship, - especially in painful and unexpected circumstances - makes your regrets of "If only I had said.../hadn't said...", "If only I had done.../hadn't done..." seem too great to overcome.
There is hope. Managing grief is not about permanently leaving someone behind, nor is it about learning to live with unresolved regret or incomplete communications, it's about learning the correct recovery actions so you don’t have to hopelessly wait in pain - including applying forgiveness.
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is an action, not a feeling - and is a key part of the grieving and recovery process. By embracing forgiveness, you'll be better able to move on with your own life.
First, we must make the decision to extend forgiveness, or be ready to ask for forgiveness. This entails a process of acknowledging the hurt that's been caused, and an awareness of how it has affected you, and others. Once you are ready, you can then work through the feelings related to seeking, and extending forgiveness.
But how can we communicate those feelings with a bereaved loved one? How can we feel more complete with a relationship when it's someone who is no longer with us?
While we can't do this in person, we can extend apologies and exercise forgiveness as part of an emotionally authentic process, enabling you to feel complete with a relationship that has ended or changed.
The Grief Recovery Method has a unique perspective on how to forgive. Using The Method you will write, then verbalise your forgiveness as part of a personalised step-by-step action plan.
If you’re on a hamster wheel of painful regret, or unable to move past resentment, you might like to read The Grief Recovery Handbook, or work with one of our Certified Grief Recovery Specialists.
Tagged as: bereavement, Regrets about last conversation, talking about loss, What is Grief Recovery?
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