Hope For Those Bereaved By Child Loss
Posted on 14th October 2021 at 14:04
"I was in a very dark place and felt like I was going to drown in hopelessness." these are the words of Detola Amure after the death of her seven-month-old twin baby boy, Caleb.
"I got lots of “encouraging" words from people which made sense intellectually, but my heart was still bleeding. I quickly learnt how to put on a brave face but inwards I was in severe pain and felt isolated in my pain."
This is the situation for many parents who have suffered the heart breaking loss of a child. In this article, we would like to provide some inspiration and hope.
Common myths about the loss of a child
The loss of a child is truly devastating, it is the worst thing that can ever happen to a parent. Well meaning loved ones do their best to provide comforting words, or try to help parents move on as they themselves continue with their own lives.
However, it's an intellectual approach to recovery which creates common misconceptions around child loss - and leaves bereft parents like Detola feeling isolated and unable to let go of their pain. You can read more about Detola's grief journey in our article Carrying the Pain of Baby Loss.
We appreciate people mean well, and the intention behind their comments is of course to provide sympathy, encouragement and support - but it's important to recognise that what is said can be influenced by some of the following common myths around baby loss, which can actually make things worse.
"Be thankful you have other children."
"You need to be strong."
"Pain is the price of love."
"You need to let grief run its course."
"You will never be happy again after the loss of a child."
We discuss each of these in more detail in our article Common Myths about the Loss of a Child.
Hope for those bereaved by child loss
To provide some inspiration and hope, we would like to share stories of three of our Grief Recovery Specialists below who decided to help others after suffering the loss of a child. We hope their stories will help give you some hope going forward.
Amy Everatt, founder of HUG (Help Us Grieve) and Grief Recovery Specialist shares her story.
Grief Recovery Specialist Eva Nabunya talks to Carole about the death of her 5 babies.
Carole speaks with Lucy Herd, Grief Recovery Specialist and Founder of Jack's Law.
When you take action to address your grief, you actually create more space in your heart, because the pain is no longer taking up that room. You can think about your child again without feeling overcome with sadness. You are able to speak of your child’s life without focussing on their death. You are better able to create new ways of including them in your life because the pain is no longer overwhelming.
"As a result of that workshop my relationship with Flynn has been completely transformed. I’ve got all my memories back of him whereas before I was stuck on the painful ones of the end of his life. Now that the pain has gone, I can remember everything about him. Of course, I miss him every day and sometimes I’m sad when I think about him – which is all normal and natural. But often I remember him with happiness and I also feel closer to him than ever which is wonderful.”
Nicky Clifford on the Grief Recovery programme after the death of her son
Participating in a Grief Recovery programme not only helps you feel better, it helps you honour your child in new and more loving ways. The rest of your family also benefits because when you’re no longer consumed by the pain, you have more love to give others.
The Grief Recovery Method teaches you the correct actions so you don’t have to hopelessly wait in pain. It is a series of small steps that leads you through how to address all the unresolved business linked to your bereavement. It is also - to the best of our knowledge - the only grief support programme with an evidence base to its positive impact.
If you would like to find out more about how the Grief Recovery Method can help you, you can get a copy of the Grief Recovery Handbook from our shop.
Alternatively, you can use our online directory to find one of our Grief Recovery Specialists near you - some of which can work with you over the internet.
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