Posts tagged “Global Events”

From an early age we have learned to deal with sad, negative emotions incorrectly, and we end up storing this energy inside. An example of this would be a child coming home from school feeling sad about an argument with a friend and they’re given a biscuit by their mother ‘to feel better.’ In that moment, they’ve been given a message that feelings can be fixed with food. The feelings are now buried under the biscuit and the distraction. In times of crisis, we turn to our old and learned ideas to deal with them. 
Eating too much during lockdown
Families are experiencing more emotional outbursts from children of all ages in Lockdown. If you want to take the intensity out of them, or try to limit them as much as possible, firstly you need to understand why they might be happening, and secondly read on to find out what you can do about them. 
 
Tantrums are a short-term energy releasing behaviour. Think of it as a boiling kettle letting off steam. The feeling of frustration and the inability to communicate their feelings – either because they don’t understand what they’re feeling but know they’re feeling something, or because they’re not being heard – must come out somewhere. 
What to do when your kids are clingy
Our hearts go out to the families and friends who have not been able to share last moments with their loved ones during the global pandemic and haven’t been able to say goodbye, or have had to say goodbye virtually. 
 
You may feel guilt that your loved one has died alone, even though it’s out of your control. And then the funeral. Friends and relatives have had the ritual of saying goodbye taken away from them; something that is part of the normal grieving process. 
2020 A year of loss
As COVID-19 rattles on, we continue living our lives with a degree of uncertainty and not knowing how long it's going to go on for. This year you may have faced uncertainty over your job, finances, health, relationships, going on holiday, seeing family and friends, and now a new uncertainty over how we’re going to celebrate Christmas. 
 
Many of us aren’t equipped with the skills to manage uncertainty, especially over a sustained period. We have an inbuilt need for security. Uncertainty can leave us feeling out of control, anxious, directionless, drained, and wondering what tomorrow might bring. 
 
Uncertain times
As the first wave of COVID-19 victims’ families reach the six-month milestone, and the pain of loss isn’t getting any easier, we wanted to give you some hope. And it has nothing to do with time being a great healer. All time does is pass. 
 
There will inevitably be anniversaries, and no day will pass without a thought crossing your mind about your loved one. As you reach six months without them, anniversaries, birthdays, the anniversary of their death, and other occasions without them will no doubt trigger those feelings of loss and often the raw, overwhelming, consuming pain all over again. 
Covid 19 pain
This is a time for compassion and empathy. As we go back into local lockdowns and the rate of infection increases, anxiety is also rising. Getting through the day can be hard enough for some. 
 
We are calling on you to take notice, listen, and comfort others without trying to fix, analyse or explain, or change the topic back to yourself. 
How to actively listen
Lockdown has brought about a sudden and unexpected loss of income for thousands. Even those who have been put on the furlough scheme are still not in receipt of their full monthly income. Then there are those who have been excluded from government schemes, such as the newly self-employed, company directors, and freelance workers. Some have taken pay cuts, and others have lost their jobs altogether. 
 
This level of loss can be devastating. It’s the loss of your financial security, loss of perhaps being able to buy food, and could mean the loss of your home. There are no ceremonies around the loss of finances and the dreams that went with them. We are left feeling unfinished and lost. 
Loss of financial security in Lockdown
As employees start to return to work, now is a good time to start planning how your business is going to support those who have been bereaved during Lockdown. 
 
Identifying employees who have been bereaved can be ascertained by line managers during catch-up calls, or via a simple email survey. This is important, as you may not have a clear indication of those who have lost friends and family members outside of immediate family. For immediate family losses, we have guidelines for writing sympathy letters here
Grief in the Workplace
If you've been following our 5-point plan for living through lockdown, you know that today's tip is all about learning how to say goodbye. 
 
5. Say Goodbye 
 
When you speak to someone on the phone, it’s normal to end the conversation with ‘see you soon’ or ’see you later.' We’d urge you to make sure you say ‘goodbye,’ and ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ (if they’re true and honest statements for you to make) to those you care about as frequently as you can at the end of your conversations. In our 5-point plan, we told you that COVID-19 does not discriminate. Saying goodbye at the end of every conversation means that in the event something awful happens, your last word was goodbye. 
 
In our work with grieving people we regularly hear that one of the painful ideas that keeps them stuck in their grief is that they didn’t get to say goodbye. Firefighters and those in the armed forces are trained never to part on a bad word with loved ones for this very reason. 
Say goodbye
Let's review our 5-point-plan for leaving lockdown thusfar: 
 
4. Have an open heart 
 
Now that you’re well-placed to say everything that you want to say, listen with an open heart to what the people you care about have to say to you. 
Have an open heart
The Grief Recovery Method teaches us how to listen and comfort others without trying to fix, analyse or explain (or change the topic back to ourselves!). Instead, we use the image of being a “heart with ears” – offering our full presence and listening with care and patience. If, and when we do respond, we do so without offering judgement, analysis or criticism. Rather than telling someone we know “exactly how they feel,” we can instead acknowledge their feelings, such as “It sounds like you’ve really been through it.” 
Today we’re starting the journey of taking you through our Leaving Lockdown 5-Point Plan, starting with Acknowledge Everything. Has your standard response to ‘how are you feeling’ become ‘I’m fine’ when people ask, but underneath you’re thinking, ‘I’m anything but fine’? The likelihood is that you’re going through a whole raft of emotions right now, which change throughout the course of the day. There will be good days and bad days. 
Living Through Lockdown: Acknowledge everything
The third step on our 5-point plan for leaving lockdown is being emotionally honest. (Take a look at Step 1: Acknowledge everything and Step 2: Be present if you missed them.) 
 
A quote used in the Grief Recovery Training is “Love is the product of truthful communication,” and whether we’re talking romantic love or any relationship, when we’re emotionally honest everything works better. For example, “I have a lot to do, I would really appreciate you taking the rubbish out,” is less likely to cause an argument than “Why do you never take the rubbish out?” 
 
The first is what you’re feeling is on the matter, the latter is a criticism. If you try to stick to what’s true for you and express it, you are more likely to be heard. 
Be emotionally honest
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