Posts tagged “Heartbreak”

When people say, ‘You have to let go and move on,’ at the end of a relationship, not many people give you the steps to take you forward.  
 
Before you know it, you might have drifted into your next relationship without dealing with the emotional fall-out of the last one, without making room in your heart for the person who could become the love of your life. 
 
Most of us understand what is meant when the word ‘baggage’ is used in the context of a failed relationship. 
Eating too much during lockdown
When you’ve experienced the death of your husband, wife, or partner, the lead-up to Valentine’s Day may cause you to want to hide undercover until it’s all over. Cupid’s arrow can turn and get you right in the heart when you’re grieving. For many, it is a particularly painful reminder, as it used to be a time to acknowledge and declare your love for each other, only now your significant other is no longer there. 
From an early age we have learned to deal with sad, negative emotions incorrectly, and we end up storing this energy inside. An example of this would be a child coming home from school feeling sad about an argument with a friend and they’re given a biscuit by their mother ‘to feel better.’ In that moment, they’ve been given a message that feelings can be fixed with food. The feelings are now buried under the biscuit and the distraction. In times of crisis, we turn to our old and learned ideas to deal with them. 
Eating too much during lockdown
Why the people you expect to support you after loss can disappear 
 
If you’ve been unfortunate enough to go through a significant loss, you may have found that the loss continued in the form of friends who didn’t show up. 
 
This is something that we hear from grievers on a regular basis. While we’re not here to make excuses for them, we can give you some plausible explanations. 
 
The Kiss of Death on a Friendship
To mark World Alzheimer’s Month, we’d like to acknowledge everyone who is living or has lived through their loved one’s decline from this disease. Our hearts go out to you. 
 
From the early signs, when you barely notice anything is wrong, to witnessing confusion, to the point where your loved one barely recognises you - all come with a layer of heartbreak and feelings of loss. Each appointment that brings another reminder of gradual decline can hit you like a tonne of bricks. 
Grieving the Living: Alzheimer's
“If only I could tell them I love them one more time.” 
“If only I could touch them again.” 
“If only we could have one more day together.” 
 
Wishes like these are incredibly common for grievers and are not only heard after a death, but also after a breakup, divorce, or a loved one moving far away. They may seem like factual statements, but they’re actually emotional statements that reflect the pain of longing. Two partners in a long-distance relationship, for example, may experience longing even though they can routinely talk on the phone. A mother may yearn for her child after she leaves for university. We may even have dreams where we reach out for our loved one and are never quite able to grasp them. 
Yearning for partner
“Emotional baggage” is a popular term implying that someone has done a poor job of moving on from past painful relationships. Unfortunately, it is often blamed for many breakups. 
 
As much as we like to accuse others of having too much emotional baggage, the truth is that all of us have it. 
Emotional baggage ruined relationship
How many times have you heard one of the following? 
 
“It’s really time you should move on, get on with your life.” 
“You should really go out and meet people.” 
“Don’t worry, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” 
“What’s in the past is in the past. Stop dwelling on it.” 
 
Even though this is well-intentioned advice, it’s rarely very helpful – if we could move on, most of us would have done it long ago! 
How to get over your ex
Lockdown has brought about a sudden and unexpected loss of income for thousands. Even those who have been put on the furlough scheme are still not in receipt of their full monthly income. Then there are those who have been excluded from government schemes, such as the newly self-employed, company directors, and freelance workers. Some have taken pay cuts, and others have lost their jobs altogether. 
 
This level of loss can be devastating. It’s the loss of your financial security, loss of perhaps being able to buy food, and could mean the loss of your home. There are no ceremonies around the loss of finances and the dreams that went with them. We are left feeling unfinished and lost. 
Loss of financial security in Lockdown
There have been many positive developments in recent years in the dialogue people are having about grief. This is an improvement from earlier times when grief was only discussed in private or not at all. 
 
The increase in discussion around the topic unfortunately does not mean that misinformation surrounding grief ceases to exist. In fact, the wealth of information at our fingertips and the speed at which material is shared on the internet mean that misinformation tends to spread more quickly than ever before. 
Is grief the price of love
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