Wishes like these are incredibly common for grievers and are not only heard after a death, but also after a breakup, divorce, or a loved one moving far away. They may seem like factual statements, but they’re actually emotional statements that reflect the pain of longing. Two partners in a long-distance relationship, for example, may experience longing even though they can routinely talk on the phone. A mother may yearn for her child after she leaves for university. We may even have dreams where we reach out for our loved one and are never quite able to grasp them. 

“Emotional baggage” is a popular term implying that someone has done a poor job of moving on from past painful relationships. Unfortunately, it is often blamed for many breakups. 

 

As much as we like to accuse others of having too much emotional baggage, the truth is that all of us have it. 

How many times have you heard one of the following? 

 

 

Even though this is well-intentioned advice, it’s rarely very helpful – if we could move on, most of us would have done it long ago!