Teaching children from an early age to deal with what life throws at them will only help their future emotional wellbeing. The first of six values in our Open Ears programme looks at being present. Being present helps children to develop good listening skills, including listening to themselves. Being present also helps them to reduce their stress levels, feel calmer and more centred, relaxed and more positive. 

As Fathers’ Day approaches, it is quite common practice, especially in early education, to make Fathers’ Day cards and even gifts. Sadly, not all children have a dad around. Their dad may have died, and it could be their first Fathers’ Day without their dad. Their parents may have divorced, and their dad might have moved away and lost touch. They may be in foster care and not have built up enough of a relationship with their foster father to feel comfortable with giving a card. 

Teenagers have been going through a mixed bag of emotions; the loss of expected hopes, dreams and expectations, elation then perhaps deflation at not having to sit their exams that they’ve worked so hard for, the sadness of missing out on the right of passage of finishing school, no high school proms, and not having their friends around them. Their sense of community has been taken away from them. Until education resumes for them, they may have very little sense of purpose. 

Have you ever heard the expression, “Little donkeys have big ears!”? 

 

We’re not for a moment comparing children to donkeys but the same principle applies! Children pick up and hear far more than we give them credit for. They hear snippets of adult conversations and can hear the news blaring from television sets and radios. They spent their last couple of weeks at school learning to wash their hands to funny songs because of ‘the virus’. Put it this way, it would have been hard to shield them from any kind of knowledge of the Coronavirus. 

If you work with children in an educational setting, hospital, professional practice or elsewhere, you may have heard about Adverse Childhood Events, or ACEs. 

 

Adverse Childhood Events can include traumatic events, parental separation, violence, family substance misuse, family mental health problems and other events that impact young people between 0 and 17 years of age. ACEs are common, and those who have experienced 4 or more have a much higher likelihood of exhibiting developmental disruptions, social, emotional and learning problems and poor health and wellbeing outcomes later on in life. 

It doesn't matter if it's to a new home, a new school, or to a different country - all of us will have moved at some point in our lives. 

 

Many moves happen during childhood, when young families expand and build homes, experience a job transfer, or find a better suited school for their children. Well-meaning parents, anticipating that the move may be difficult, scary or painful for their child, try to ward off any negative feelings by making positive, hopeful statements. 

In the wake of the terror attack in Manchester, which was even more horrifying as it seemed to target children, many parents are left lost as to what to say to their kids and how to say it. Parents left with a strong emotional reaction themselves, are having to do an emotional juggling act between the strong natural urge to protect their children and the need to not let the terrorists win. At Grief Recovery we know that the definition of grief sums this up: "Grief is the conflicting feelings following a change or end in a familiar pattern of behaviour." So having acknoweldged that what you and your kids is experiencing is grief here are some practical tips to help you address this. 

Many of us struggle to know what to say when someone has been bereaved, but at least with the card you’ve time to think about it so it’s easier right? Wrong! If you’ve ever sat with a blank card in front of you then you’ll know that actually the sight of that little white space can be quite daunting. 

 

Here’s my mini guide for How to write a sympathy card or similar. This article has now been turned into a leaflet - you can get free copies here.