Posts tagged “talking about loss”

"I was in a very dark place and felt like I was going to drown in hopelessness." these are the words of Detola Amure after the death of her seven-month-old twin baby boy, Caleb. 
"I got lots of “encouraging" words from people which made sense intellectually, but my heart was still bleeding. I quickly learnt how to put on a brave face but inwards I was in severe pain and felt isolated in my pain." 
This is the situation for many parents who have suffered the heart breaking loss of a child. In this article, we would like to provide some inspiration and hope. 
Taking place 9th-15th October every year, Baby Loss Awareness Week aims to raise awareness about pregnancy and baby loss in the UK. Stigma and silence often mean families feel isolated in their grief. 
Now in its 19th year and led by Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity, the week ends with the global “Wave of Light”, coinciding with International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 
In this blog, we talk to Amy Everatt, founder of HUG (Help Us Grieve) and Grief Recovery Specialist. 
Over the years, many grievers have shared with us that they have been told they can’t start working on recovering from their loss for at least the first six months. 
The idea being that you will start to feel better after a while - because time is a great healer. 
At Grief UK we know that time doesn't heal a broken heart brought about by a bereavement. While we may learn to adjust over time to life with the pain of the loss, the unresolved grief will continue to create emotional conflict, impact relationships and potentially cause destructive behaviour. 
Have you lost a loved one to COVID-19?  
While all grief is felt at 100% and you can’t compare losses, COVID bereavement has had extra layers of grief to unpick. 
You might regret that you weren’t able to say everything you wanted to, or you weren’t able to say goodbye. It could be that you stayed away from vulnerable or older members of your family only to lose them anyway. You might have been robbed of your loved one’s last year if they died in a care home. You might feel guilty for spreading COVID to your family. 
Grief Recovery Specialist Dawn Ford reveals how the Grief Recovery Method transformed a young man who'd attempted suicide. 
Dawn Ford shares the moving story of a young man who had attempted suicide following the death of his father, combined with other losses. He and his Mum are happy for her to share the story in the hope that others get the right help. 
When you’re grieving, well-meaning friends can be the source of unhelpful comments, said to make you feel better.  
You’re advised to take actions that distract you from your feelings or convert your feelings into intellectual ideas. 
“Be strong,” and “They wouldn’t want you to be sad,” for example are all true intellectually, but don’t help you deal with your feelings. 
Consequently, it can become easier to tell everyone you’re fine rather than sharing the truth. You might even start believing it yourself even though realistically you’re far from fine. 
There are over 40 life losses that can result in the symptoms of grief, including a loss of feeling safe, which might apply to staff returning to work. 
If you’re a business owner, manager, or HR professional, you may find some staff are reluctant to return to the office after working from home. 
When employers understand and acknowledge the impact grief can have on their teams, employee mood, satisfaction, productivity and retention improve. 
Listening to someone who is heartbroken can feel uncomfortable.  
We’re used to people being happy and positive but when it comes to sadness, it can feel awkward and our ‘go to’ place is to try and make them feel better as quickly as possible.  
Fear of how to approach grievers and assist them stops many well-meaning people from being there for these people when they are most needed. 
This is a hard blog to write – I’ve known I needed to write this for ages and normally when I sit with something the words start to come together in my head but interestingly my thoughts about this man who used few words seems to be well, coming up with few words! 
It was 2007, not that many months after my husband Kevin had died aged just 41 and life as I knew it ended forever, when I found myself on Amazon (other booksellers are available.) I was looking for a book that would help me deal with the overwhelming feelings that were dominating my life. One review said “well this book is ok but... 
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