Posts tagged “What is Grief Recovery?”

Do you have a grieving friend, but you don’t know what to say or do? A typical nervous reaction is to ask if they are ok. Relentlessly. And of course, they are not. As a friend, you can end up in a ‘no man’s land’ of wanting to help, show support, and that you care, but you don’t know how. And then you’re worried about disturbing their mourning. 
How to support a friend after loss
For nearly 40 years the Grief Recovery Method has helped people all over the world move beyond bereavement, divorce and other losses. As a result of the work of over 10,000 Grief Recovery Specialists our programmes have received many thousands of thank you notes, reviews, testimonials and feedback surveys speaking of the huge difference this structured, heart-led approach has made. 
 
In Spring 2019 we reached a new milestone when the peer reviewed "American Journal of Health Education" (Volume 50 issue 2 to be precise" published research carried out by Dr Nolan and Dr Hallam of Kent University Ohio confirmed that the Grief Recovery Method made a measurable postivie impact on the grief journey of the participant. 
Evidence base Grief Recovery
Grief Recovery Method
For those of us who have participated in a Grief Recovery Method programme and have seen the results first hand, there is no doubt that its action steps are effective. 
 
Now, however, there is scientific research to support its effectiveness with grievers. 
 
In the first known university study to examine different approaches available to those who are suffering from a loss, the Grief Recovery Method has been shown to make a true & measurable difference. 
To say that people are uncomfortable with emotions such as sadness, rage or fear – especially after a personal loss – is an understatement. 
 
Sit back for a moment and think about the times in your life when you were feeling sad and tried to talk about those feelings with others. On a few occasions your friend or family member may have simply listened without analysis, criticism or judgement. More often than not, however, you may have received one of the following responses:- 
How to Listen to a Griever
I remember vividly within days of my husband Kevin dying being asked about his stuff. Honestly! You would imagine that there would be a whole host of other topics people would ask about before this, but no. Everyone wanted to know "have you done anything about the clothes yet?" 
 
If you are reading this and grieving yourself I bet you will have immediately noticed that these possessions which sat next to his skin have been de-personalised. THE clothes, not his clothes. "The Clothes", as if they are wild animals which left untamed & uncaptured will riot around the house (i.e. your life) out of control. 
What to do with the clothes when someone dies
One of the most common questions we get asked is "What is the difference between what you do and Cruse?" 
 
There are lots of points of difference, so I'll explain the key ways that the Grief Recovery Method and Certified Grief Recovery Specialists are different to Cruse and Cruse Bereavement Support Workers. 
Grief Recovery vs Cruse Bereavement Care
In 2006 my husband Kevin died aged 41 from the most curable form of cancer. When his life ended so did my world. When people said (trying to be helpful) 'he’s out of pain', I’d look at them in dumb shock. On a bad moment I’d reply “lucky him, mine has just got unbearable.” 
 
How I could still be alive and in so much pain? I wouldn’t let myself think of continuing to live with this pain and without him, I started to exist from moment to moment, these were the darkest days of my life. I remember sitting on the harbour wall in Malta at Christmas – I’d fled there to try to escape – leaning forward and contemplating letting go and falling in. 
The Grief Recovery Handbook Saved My Life
I have a bear called Hugo. Not a real bear of course, he’s a teddy bear, somewhat unusual in colour as he is black and orange. He came into my life about 7 years ago after my husband Kevin died and I wanted something to help me think of him when I went to sleep and cuddling a photo just didn’t do it for me. A family friend offered to make me a bear from one of Kevin’s favourite shirts and Hugo was born. 
Why Recovery Doesn't Mean Never Being Sad Again
Many of us struggle to know what to say when someone has been bereaved, but at least with the card you’ve time to think about it so it’s easier right? Wrong! If you’ve ever sat with a blank card in front of you then you’ll know that actually the sight of that little white space can be quite daunting. 
 
Here’s my mini guide for How to write a sympathy card or similar. This article has now been turned into a leaflet - you can get free copies here
Grief in the Workplace
Saturday night is a time when I like to curl up on my sofa, dogs on my feet and be entertained, like many people in these tough times that means switching on the TV rather than going out and one of my current favourites is the programme “Merlin”. An amusing nonsense about the young wizard and a young King Arthur, generally there’s a moral about doing the right thing but it’s fairly light handed. This week though, there was a moment near the end that I found really profound. If you haven’t seen it yet and want to – stop reading now! 
The Magic of Forgiveness
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